Is it just ME they Bully?

Bullying- Google describes bullying as an act of seeking to harm, intimidate or coerce someone, perceived as vulnerable. 

But is bullying just that? While physical bullying is the most obvious form of bullying and can be seen or felt, mental bullying is kind of complex. At times, even the person who's being bullied doesn't realize how it's impacting them. 

So in my school days, I used to be this quiet person who was almost non- existent in class. I used to sit in one corner and be super indulged in my books. I swear when I say this, I wouldn't even notice period changes or lunch breaks. At any spare minute of my school time, I'd pull up a book and start reading! But no, I wasn't always like that, I loved making friends, just I didn't get people who would want to be friends with me, maybe I was awkward, I still am, in small talks. 

Back in school days, as we grew older, concepts of double meaning, short skirts, improper uniform style, and high ponytails were the new style wave. And as for me, I didn't match any of those in-style routines, my skirt was knee length with shirt ironed and tucked, my hair was neatly done in 2 braids and I was clueless in double meaning terms. I still remember, sometime in 8th grade, a girl and a boy sitting next to me asked if I had a sharpener, and well that day I hadn't carried my stationary, so I declined, followed up by their light giggle. It was much later, I realized, that day, back in class 8th, they weren't meaning to ask for stationary. I wasn't part of the in-style troop, so most of the kids in my class wouldn't talk to me, I don't blame them, back then, if I wasn't matching up to their vocabulary, what would they talk about. 

But no one realized when this 'not talking' turned into bullying! When people say bullying is making extreme fun of a person, I do disagree, I believe bully can be in any form if it has even the slightest of impact on a person, as simple as feeling scared or lonely or even less than others. Few forms of bully that I could identify with include: 

1. Isolation: Many people might not even consider this as a bully, but isolating someone, by all means, comes under an act of intimidating someone, and isolation, unlike a tease or messing with a person, has a deeper and greater impact. The feeling of being lonely and side-cast in classrooms has become quite common, and it's not just limited to schools, it can be in college, workplaces, groups of friends, or even joint families. 
2. Healthy jokes: At times, without realizing a healthy tease or a prank can turn into a bully. It can often be seen among school kids when a bully thinks that they are just playing with someone similar to how they do with their close friends or cousins, but it's advisable to always ask someone if they're okay with your tease games and if not, you must stop immediately. 
3. Body-shaming and judging: Though this form of bullying has recently faced, it has carried on for ages. Haven't almost all of us remarked someone as fat or linear or dark complexion or too fair? Young school kids often indulge in such kinds of bullying. They may call their best friend a 'girl' for liking painting over football or they may pass a sly comment on a healthy girl. All this has become quite common. Just yesterday, when I was playing with a group of 12-14 years old, I asked the name of a healthy kid, and the other one simply asked me to call him "fat mango". We need to understand, and aware those around us that being fat/thin/healthy or having colored hair/ hair extensions is a choice of life. You simply cannot comment on an individual's way of life. 
4. Cyberbully: With the coming age of technological revolution, social media has rapidly-paced, with a majority of millennials practically living on it, and sadly, a lot of them falling into the trap of the cyber-bullying community. Cyber-bullying, as described, is a way of bullying or harassing someone using electronic means. It's not just limited to harsh means like writing or posting inappropriate content on someone, but also as simple as excluding someone from an online group. 

Though many say bullying needs to stop, and punishments to be given to those who bully, there is never a single person involved or a bully done once. Rather, it's many people responsible or bullies done in layers, over a while. 

Having experienced, kinds of bullying both in school and college, I honestly believe and suggest people to try getting a hold of their minds. Good control over the mind can help. It will avoid your mind running to unwanted places during difficult times. 

Any form of bully or tease can't affect you as long as you have a calm mind. If you feel you're being isolated in a classroom or among a group of friends, indulge in a book (trust me, books can be your best friend, they can take you places, without having to move), extend beyond your spaces, your classroom, your circle of friends, your workspace, there are people all around, try interacting with them. And if you don't find people, try conversing with a pet (trust me! they're better at it 😆). If you feel you're not comfortable with people's tease or pranks, try communicating the same to them, there is a high possibility that they might not know how you feel about it. It's always good to know both sides of the story. But yes, I still do believe, before talking to others or even spanning out, one must first be comfortable and confident in their skin and have good control over mind and emotions. If you feel you're a bit shaky in any of these, it's good to convey your feelings or confide in a trusted adult. Yes, their advice may be boring and old-school, but, as my mother puts it "We haven't dyed our hair white, under the sun", trust me, they are right about it, their experience and word of advice can be fruitful!!